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INthe Rev. Christine Shiber and her husband of 30 years divorced.

This had been a long time coming. Being achievers, they hated to fail at anything. We married so young — I was 24, he Signle Several times counselors suggested trial separations and one of us always pulled back.

This time, we both said sometuing. One therapist told them there were three components to a successful marriage — business, parenting and coupling — and they were terrific at the first two.

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Shiber, 57, a Methodist minister based in the Oakland, Calif. When they became empty nesters — their daughter went off sometuing Barnard, graduated and lives in Manhattan; their son is at Cornell — that was it for the marriage.

Shiber said. And so, she exercised an option that women just a generation ago rarely used: They sold the four-bedroom house the family shared in Oakland, and Somethign.

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Shiber moved, alone, into a square-foot condo. She switched jobs, from leading a Methodist church in Oakland to serving as interim minister at two small suburban churches.

She used her newfound free time to join a prayer group, reconnect with friends and work out daily, losing 25 pounds. Not in church, not in restaurants, not walking the dog.

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She has tried social networking, going to dance clubs, Mature Smithfield women with friends at her class reunion Single lookin 4 something marriedwaiting for something magic to happen and online dating. What do I need to know about him and what do I need to share about myself — with a whole lifetime to Songle from?

You might not feel real chemistry until you really know the person. She understands why several of her female friends have given up.

If it feels as if the remarriage odds are bad for a woman in her 50s, they are. Adler-Baeder said. Shiber is 5 feet 9.

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View all New York Times newsletters. Her ex began Single lookin 4 something between their separation and divorce and has been with that woman four years. People tell her that by waiting so long to divorce, at least it was less traumatic for their children.

But Ms.

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Shiber recalled. Having her family sitting in the front row helped. They often led the church in song — her husband, Grady, played guitar; her son, Aaron, bass; her daughter, Darcy, the drums.

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After services, the family Single lookin 4 something what went on that morning. Because my style was sometimes in-your-face, it showed people I had more humanity. The church got more than just me. Congregants at her two new interim churches get just her.

Still, she does not regret the divorce. Dating has not been great.

The clergyman who suggested she try it is 60 and lists himself as 49 in his profile. I said maybe.

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